Meh. Super hurt today. Sick of trying to make friendships work that clearly are beyond working in the way that I need them too. Selfish? Maybe. But I’m sick of giving and giving and listening and listening and never getting anything in return. No relationship can be 90/10 and not suffer.
Also seriously at the point where I am about to deactivate facebook and turn texting off on my phone. I used to think it was bad that people didn’t even like visit with each other face to face anymore, but now no one calls anymore either. I am sick of family and friends who could call or visit but decide to text or facebook instead. Completely fucking over it. The only downside is that would alienate me from my wonderful online friends I have made who I can’t go visit or call up regularly but texting and facebook is something that can be done regularly.
I don’t know rather to go out tonight and enjoy myself or just stay by myself and get caught up on the massive load of homework I am behind on. I just feel like being a hermit now and feel like going out and watching other people enjoy themselves will just add to my hurt feelings.
On the plus side, I am glad that this came at the time it did. It’s one of those “the universe works in mysterious ways” things because for the past couple weeks I have been debating asking this person to partner up with me on something very important to me because I felt like our friendship was getting back to where it needed to be but I felt very unsure about it on some levels, like something was whispering to me not to do be all gung ho about it and wait and see. Now I see why, because the universe needed to remind me I cannot rely on this person for anything so definitely not to bring them into a world of work that is near and dear to me.
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